HIDEOUS: Marlins HR Feature

Discussion in 'Baseball' started by irish, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    Video of the Miami Marlins home run feature has finally surfaced
    By David Brown | Big League Stew – 4 hours ago

    It ... is ... alive!

    With opening day fast approaching and a new ballpark to open, the Miami Marlins have been preparing by putting their highly anticipated and already much-ridiculed home run display through some dry runs. And, from the looks of this YouTube video, we have some great news: When activated, the monstrosity is as grotesque, obnoxious and over the top as anyone possibly could have imagined.

    But beware: It might not be safe for children, the elderly or people with epilepsy to watch:

    !

    Like a nightmare from "Boardwalk Empire," the display lights up like the unwanted zombie lovechild of a pinball machine, a carnival roller coaster and a diabolical cuckoo clock, giving fans the feeling like they're somewhere in Atlantic City, N.J. instead of Little Havana near Miami Beach. It looks like the ugliest thing you could find in the cheesiest gift shop along the shoreline. Who's up for some neon skee ball? How about Plinko or Cliff Hangers on acid from "The Price Is Right"?

    Here are the gory details:

    • The flapping wings of the pink flamingos — as if to wave the home run ball good-bye — standing one-legged on the beach.

    • The "waves" of multicolored "water" — "splashing" back and forth as if unpaid interns are manually moving them behind the scenes at a community theater production.

    • The pair of rotating Marlins diving counterclockwise, making splashes when they hit the water — like Old Faithful or the blowhole of a blue whale. Curiously, they don't splash when they break the water on the other side of the sculpture. (Consistency, people!)

    • There's a third Marlin that spins at the top of the display, there are seagulls (I think) that spin clockwise to to the fish, there's a wretched sun that lights up.

    • And the grand climax, once all of the spasms are complete: It makes a rainbow. Really:

    [​IMG]

    Hopefully the Marlins will hit four or five home runs every home game, although I'm not sure if the emergency rooms in the Miami area could handle the extra work.
     
  2. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    Do Marlins have blow holes?
     
  3. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    no such thing as marlins
    marlin is both singular and plural
     
  4. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    OK dick do MARLIN have blowholes?
    lol
     
  5. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    no but they blow ho's
     
  6. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    The water that sprays seems like it would be coming out of a blow hole...
     
  7. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    ^
     
  8. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    Thats what I get for skipping all the bullshit and just watching the video huh
     
    Irish likes this.
  9. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    lol i pretty much did the same thing
    only saw it when i finally read it
     
  10. BryanV21

    BryanV21 Bear-O-Dactyl > Everything

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    I can't believe that an adult would actually okay this thing. It is the dumbest structure I've ever seen. I hate the Marlins just because of it.
     
  11. BlueMouse

    BlueMouse MODERATOR Staff Member

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    I just saw this. Fuckin' awesome! The Dodgers better win something soon because I have no problem ditching them and becoming a Marlins fan.

    By the way, the original video no longer works, so here it is:
     
  12. irish

    irish BOT Staff Member Administrator

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    figured you'd like the rainbow-based design :gaywave:

    [​IMG]
     
  13. LAFord

    LAFord DSP Legend

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    Seriously...this might be the stupidest fucking thing i've ever seen in baseball. And that song...my god...what the fuck are they doing down there?
     
  14. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    They're predominantly Cuban, what do you expect?
     
  15. LAFord

    LAFord DSP Legend

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    That's racist. :clap:
     
  16. DBurchHero

    DBurchHero TheGreedyPinstripes Staff Member Administrator

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    No I used the word predominantly. That makes it not racist.
     

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